


Leech Boy

by jaypronouncedgay



Category: Stardew Valley (Video Game)
Genre: Alcohol, Depression, Eventual E-Rating, Eventual Sex, Farmer (Stardew Valley) - Freeform, M/M, Male Player (Stardew Valley) - Freeform, More tags to be added, background sam/sebastian, pre-diabetes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-01
Updated: 2018-06-13
Packaged: 2018-07-11 12:03:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7050106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaypronouncedgay/pseuds/jaypronouncedgay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some things are too close for us to really see, and some things are too familiar for us to break away.<br/>Shane and the Farmer have more in common than either are willing to admit, but somehow... they make it work.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. the medicine might be bitter but you still love the taste

**Author's Note:**

> I got sort of bored with the whole "The farmer is a literal ray of sunshine and they want to be friends with everyone" thing so I made my own farmer especially for this.
> 
> This is rewritten from an old version and I went through and deleted a load of chapters and I got really depressed because I realised that I deleted all the comments on those chapters weh weh  
> but it's out here now
> 
> [This](http://jay-pronounced-gay.tumblr.com/post/150740654158/dio-spyros-jay-pronounced-gay-s-oc-felix) is Felix  
> 

Stardew Valley didn’t really take many visitors. New residents meant one of the very few existing residents either passing away, or skipping town. Neither of which happened often. So, when news spread of a farmer to inherit the overgrown farm to the west, it was all people talked about for _weeks_. Shane hated it. He hated strangers in general, but the way this kid seemed to have the whole village eating out of the palm of their hand? It grated on him.

Now, he could have said he hadn’t known what to expect of the farmer, that it was as much of a mystery to him as everyone else (even if everyone else seemed obsessed with speculating what they'd be like, how they'd look and what they'd wear) but Shane had his own little idea. It involved bright shining eyes and wide grins and perfect blond hair, which… yeah, it only aggravated him more, really. There was something about that stupid, perfect, happy happy ‘everything is sunshine and rainbows’ outlook that pissed him off to no end, so he applied it to this stranger, so at least he’d feel a little bit better about hating their guts.

So he already hated the farmer before they even showed up. It was unfair, and Shane knew it, but life was unfair.

Yeah. Fuck it.

 

Felix didn’t know what to expect of his grandfather’s old farm. But it was his best shot at… Something. Doing _something_ with his life, a something that didn’t involve him wanting to tear his own face off every damn day of his life.

He hadn’t known what to expect, but boy was he not ready for what he got. The farm, his grandfather’s pride and joy, looked like a landfill. It was overrun with grass and rocks and trees, and he could barely see past the front door.

Robin reassured him, but it didn’t really do much, just reminded him to smile and nod, not let his disappointment show. Yeah, he’d fucked up, but she didn’t need to know that.

 

Lewis wasn’t at all how Felix remembered him. He remembered a tall looming thing that’s only purpose was to tell people off. But in reality, he was short - _but not quite as short as Felix_ \- and kind. He reminded Felix of his own grandfather, in a way.

Lewis had… suggested that Felix was to introduce himself to everyone in town. Felix didn’t _want_ to, but he didn’t want Lewis to think he was a lazy shut-in, and… this was his fresh start, right? Yeah, fuck, might as well try his hand at being… something else. Anyone but him.

 

The villagers all seemed… really happy to see him. Like, _really_ happy. It was like he was a goddamn celebrity; everyone seemed to know who he was without him having to so much as open his mouth. _‘Oh, you must be that new farmer’_ and _‘Yeah you're Felix right?’_

It was kind of unnerving.

 

Pam was his favourite - she was loud and brash and sounded like she smoked ten cigarettes a day, but that was perfectly fine by him. She was exactly the kind of person he wanted to be friends with.

 

By the second day, Felix had just about managed to _not_ have a breakdown over the state of the farm, and greet the majority of the villagers. He rose early the next morning, watered the seeds that he had planted, then made his way into town, trying not to scowl too much. He felt good about it; the farm, his new routine. But he knew himself, and he knew it wouldn’t last. It’d only be a matter of months until he slipped back into the same depressive cycle he always did.

 

The walk from the farm to the town was longer than Felix would have liked. It was good incentive for him to buy a new bike, at the very least.

As he was walking, he spotted the profile of someone he didn’t recognise.

“Hey,” he called out, watching as the man hesitated, glancing over to him. Felix jogged over, opening his mouth to introduce himself, but the man cut him off.  
“I don’t know you. Why are you talking to me?” He snapped, voice just about as rough as his appearance. Which was to say - _quite._

The farmer blinked, genuinely taken aback by the response, not expecting to encounter such a thing in this quaint little village. He scoffed, face slipping back into the scowl, “alright _asshole_ , chill out maybe? Lewis told me to introduce myself to everyone in town, so will you just give me a second?” he sighed, cursing himself with a barely visible wince for slipping back into asshole-city-mode so easily.

He ran a hand through his hair before putting on his best chipper voice, just to be that much more of a dick.

“Hi! I’m Felix, I run the farm just west of town! I’ll be seeing you around!” It sounded _horribly_ unnatural coming from his mouth, but that was sort of the effect he’d been reaching for anyway.

He dropped the voice immediately, turning to walk up to where he hoped Robin’s house would be, muttering a sharp ‘bye’ as he left, shoulders hunched and eyebrows drawn down. What a dick.

He kinda loved it?

 

Shane could have said he hadn’t known what to expect, but he had an idea. And Felix was the polar opposite of that idea. The bright blue eyes were replaced by tired hazel ones, the wide grin was an unhappy little scowl, and the perfect blond hair was an untidy mess of purples and blues. To top off the whole _‘I’m rebelling against mom and dad’_ look he had going on, the farmer’s lower lip was pierced through with a horseshoe shaped ring, and his right ear was adorned with more jewelry, visible where his hair was tucked back out of the way.

And he was _really_ rude. Which Shane guessed he deserved, to be honest, but it still surprised him so much that he just stood there, outside Pierre’s, staring at the farmer’s back for a solid ten seconds. Then he remembered that Morris existed, and hurried on his way.

**~~**~~**

The farmer was at the saloon that night, drinking with Pam, knocking back beer after beer, being overly loud. Shane knew that his staring was obvious, but he couldn’t help it.

Shane knew he was rude just for the sake of it half the time, because he could be, and people let him. And nobody, _nobody_ in Pelican Town had called him up on it before. It was… refreshing, in a way. Shame was very aware of his imperfections, but he'd never actually tried to iron them out before. Why bother, right? Being an asshole made him feel good, and it wasn't as if anything else could.

And every time he so much as looked at the guy, he was reminded that _everything_ he could possibly want had been handed to this new kid on a silver fucking platter, and what did he have to do for it? Nothing. Fuck all. He’d been given an entirely new life, from scratch, and what had the kid even done to deserve it?  
It was only the farmer’s second day in a completely new town, with completely new people, and he already had enough cash to splash around ordering drink after drink, sat there talking shit with Pam like they’d been best friends for years.

 

Felix couldn’t stop staring at Shane, either. Not as much, not when Shane was looking. But whenever he got the chance, he was eyeing Shane up, watching him scowl at the floor on his walk to work, or down into his beer, or at the shelves in Joja Mart.

Because frankly, Felix _liked_ Shane. Sure, Shane kind of intimidated him; made his heart jump and seize, and yeah, Shane was a right grumpy git, but Felix was used to grumpy people. Felix _was_ a grumpy person.

There was no reason or rhyme to why exactly he wanted to get closer to Shane, other than an innate sense that they’d get along _great,_ if Felix could just get through to him.

**~~**~~**

The egg hunt was the first town event that Felix was part of, and it was actually quite fun. He arrived a little late, having spent most of the morning cleaning up the farm - it was actually beginning to resemble something that looked like a farm now, and yeah, Felix was proud of himself.

 

Upon arrival, Felix was greeted by two buffet tables full of free food, and that was where he immediately gravitated. Not having a kitchen meant he’d been living on whatever food was available at the saloon, which was honestly making him kind of ill.

He hovered around, eating different bits and pieces as he went, savouring every delicious bite. He finally settled on grabbing a bowl of soup, making more light conversation with Pam.

“Hey, Felix,” she whispered, nudging him in the side, “I put something nice into the punch,” she chortled quietly, “but shhh....that's just between you and me, kid."

Felix snorted, shaking his head. “Yeah yeah, don't even worry about it, your secret’s safe with me.”

Pam nodded, grinning at him for another hazy moment before heading off elsewhere.

A light, content feeling swells in Felix’s chest - like a laugh that isn’t quite a laugh, not ready to be heard. But still, happy. He had found a place in the Valley, no matter how small or insignificant; he had a place. He was almost ready to call it home.

 

Felix knew that he shouldn’t have trusted unlabelled food, a fact that he was soon reminded of when he tried a spoon of what _looked_ like harmless stew.

It was _crazy_ spicy, and Felix didn’t do spicy. He hurriedly put down the spoon, rushing to the punch bowl to get himself a drink and pour it into his searing mouth.  
“Fuck, oh shit, holy fuck, oh my _god_?” he sputtered, finishing his drink in one big mouthful, face scrunched in discomfort.

 

Shane had been watching the farmer from across the table, chewing the rim of his plastic cup in an attempt to hide his smirk. The egg festival never failed to lighten his mood, just a little bit.

Felix noticed him smirking, and quickly averted his scowl back down at the stew as he spoke.

“Who makes _anythin_ g that hot?” He asked as he rounded the table to stand next to Shane, bowl of death-soup abandoned elsewhere.

Shane didn’t respond at first, unsure if the question was supposed to be rhetorical or not.  
“I’d be careful with the punch by the way, Pam spiked it,” Felix said, stuffing a slice of ham into his mouth, chasing it down with more punch.  
“It’s not exactly a secret, she does it every year,” Shane stated, swilling the punch around in his cup.

“I’m not even slightly surprised,” the farmer huffed out a little laugh, and then he was gone, taking two more slices of ham with him.  
Shane didn’t really know how he was supposed to feel about that.

 

It was unusual for someone so old to take part in the egg hunt, but Abigail had managed to goade Felix into it, saying she needed a real challenge for once.

The first 20 seconds of the 50 second time limit passed, and Felix hadn’t found a single egg. Once he got a slightly better grasp on how the eggs were hidden, he was spotting them everywhere. He managed to grab 6 before anyone else could, almost getting hit in the face by Abigail as they raced for one, trying to shove each other out of the way.

 

Abigail won, much to the farmer’s dismay, and he even booed when she collected her prize. She laughed loudly and told him to suck it.

Luckily her dad didn’t hear. Or, just chose not to.


	2. easier to forget

Felix didn’t realise it was Shane’s birthday until the day before, when he’d happened to glance at the calendar in town on his way into Pierre’s. He’d already shared a beer (or six) with Pam on her birthday, which was simultaneously the best and worst decision he’d made in his life. The farmer decided that he was going to get Shane something for his birthday, whether he liked it or not. All he had to do was find out what Shane actually liked, beside beer and sullen silences.

He visited Marnie that evening, after spending the day in the mines, still trying to wipe the slime gunk off his jumper, scowling deeply.

“Oh, hello there Felix, how can I help you?” She looked up from her book, smiling sweetly at the farmer.

“Hey Marn, it’s Shane’s birthday tomorrow right?”

“Why, yes, it is,are you two close?”

Felix laughed briefly, “I’m not sure if ‘close’ is the word I’d use to describe it. I was going to get him something though, do you know what he likes?”

“Well, dear… What did you have in mind?”

“Something I can get in less than a day?”

Marnie chuckled quietly, “well, I’m sure I could help you come up with something, how long do you have dear?”

 

It was 5pm, and Felix was freezing. Neglecting to bring a jacket and then standing outside the Joja Mart for 15 minutes in this horrible wind wasn’t one of his finest moments. He sighed, leaning his head back so it thumped against the wall. He could have waited for Shane at the saloon of course, but he wasn’t sure if he had other plans on his birthday. So, there he waited, bouncing rapidly on the balls of his feet. 

He’d spent all night and most of the morning preparing Shane’s present, working with Marnie to get it perfect. Or as near perfect as he could when he only had a day to get it done.

 

Shane finally stepped out of the building, right on time, and Felix forced himself to be casual as he picked himself up off the wall, greeting the taller man.

Shane looked surprised to see him, and his eyes darted around suspiciously before narrowing in on him, “what are you doing here?”

The farmer held out the plain box - he hadn’t had time to wrap it - with a little smirk, “happy birthday, asshole.”

There was three beats of silence as Shane just… looked at the box in his hand, not even bothering to open it, before he seemed to find his words, “You remembered my birthday? I'm... impressed. Thanks.”

Felix rolled his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest, “go on then, open it.”

Shane was careful with the box, lifting up the lid like it was some precious artefact. He huffed a small laugh and smiled gently, “you talked to Marnie didn’t you?”

"Maybe,” Felix scoffed, grinning to himself. He was proud of his handiwork. Pepper poppers were not an easy thing to make, especially when he had to find all the ingredients in a few short hours. But he had done it, and he could only hope that they’d turned out pretty good.

 

“You coming to the saloon tonight?” Shane asked, nearly mumbling, picking up a popper with his fingers. Felix blinked.

“Yeah, I am.” He felt a sense of pride, a warmth in his chest. “Wanna head over together?”

Shane began walking in silence, and Felix followed beside.

 

“So what else you get for your birthday?”

“Marnie and Jas got me a chicken statue.”

Felix paused, waiting for the rest of that sentence. “What, that it?”

“...Yeah?”

“D’you reckon you’ll have stuff waiting for you at the saloon?”

“Probably not?”

Felix frowned. The familiar bitter taste of anger filled his throat, and he scoffed. “That’s fucking bullshit.”

Shane was confused. He was used to not getting any gifts, and yeah it was nice that Felix made the effort, but... it wouldn’t last. Just like everybody else, he’d get bored of trying to ‘break his shell’, and he’d leave. 

 

They entered the pub and Felix immediately went to go talk to Pam, and Shane took up his usual place by the fire, and it was like the entire walk over had never even happened. Only Shane had a box of pepper poppers that he could now munch on.

He felt a little disappointed that Felix hadn’t stuck around, but he was quick to remind himself that there was nothing special about him. No reason for Felix to spend his time around him.

 

But Shane couldn’t lament for long. Felix quickly came right back into his space, seating himself in the barstool nearest Shane, back to the counter.

“What are you doing?”

Felix up looked at Shane through his eyelashes, expression dubious, “dude, it’s your birthday, did you really think I’d let you drink alone?”

Shane looked back down at the box in his lap, frowning a touch. Of course; Felix was a good person, he was being polite by sitting with him. 

“Oh, yeah.” He said, lamely.

Shane felt like an idiot. Especially compared to Felix, who was, undeniably, very attractive like this: lounging back against the bar, one leg hitched up on the rungs of the bar stool, smirking and drinking beer. 

He felt small, inferior. 

 

It didn’t take long for him to excuse himself, to spend the rest of the night trying to sleep.

**~~**~~**

Shane had been watching him for a while, he hated to admit.

Everyone had gathered far west of town to celebrate the Flower Dance, and the farmer was no exception. He’d turned up late, again, his hair littered with leaves, but nobody seemed to have pointed it out to him, as he made his usual rounds, chatting with people here and there.

Shane was stood by the buffet table, enjoying the free food wholeheartedly, as usual.

 

It didn’t take Felix long to duck out of a conversation with Haley to gorge himself at the buffet.

“Yo,” the farmer greeted simply. Shane nodded in return.

Felix ducked down and sniffed the stew. “Hey, is this spicy?” he looked over to Shane, purple fringe falling into his eyes. Shane swallowed around a lump in his throat.

“I guess, yeah?”

“Damn,” Felix frowned, standing up straight again, “and it smelled so good too.”

“Nobody else seems to have an issue with it” Shane quipped, immediately regretting how aggressive it sounded.

Felix snorted, tucking his hair back behind his ear. “Yeah, well I’ll take my title of the biggest pussy in the valley.”

Shane couldn’t fight back a soft laugh, ducking his head to his bowl. 

 

A beat of silence passed, before a question popped into Felix’s head, “so, you taking part in the dance?”

Shane barked a harsh laugh, “no, I don’t dance.”

“Wow, that’s not dull at all.”

Shane narrowed his eyes, “you dance?”

“Okay, wow, no need to sound so surprised,” Felix scoffed, “yeah, I do, just not today.”

“Get turned down?”

“Oh fuck you!” Felix laughed, biting into a fresh apple. “Everyone already has partners. So, technically, no.”

“How many people you ask?” Shane grinned playfully.

“I didn’t ask anyone to dance, actually. I may have asked some people if they were dancing, and they may have said they already had partners, and I may have left the conversation shortly after. But I didn’t ask anyone to  _ dance _ ,” the farmer quips.

"Sure thing," Shane smiled, "you have leaves in your hair."

**~~**~~**

One downside of being in the mines all day, was that unless Felix remembered to bring a watch (he didn’t even own one), he had no way of telling the time. And when he had a thousand slimes trying to climb up in his asshole, it was a bit hard just to call it quits. He only needed two more copper and he’d had enough to make the ore he needed for the community centre, his looming exhaustion be damned.

He swung the pick with heavy arms, fighting back another yawn. Just two more ore, and this rock should yield it, and he could go home. Just two more fucking ore.

He nearly sobbed with relief when the rock shattered, picking up the ore with shaky hands, exhaling carefully through his nose as he headed for the exit. All he had to do was make it home, then he could eat something, and go to bed.

His legs felt weak, and he contemplated stopping by the saloon, just to sit down and eat something. Usually having that small boost to his energy would tire him over just long enough.

 

He felt it coming before he reached town, the way he felt hot, clammy, and sick to his stomach. There was a harsh ringing in his ears, and his vision began to blur. He swore out loud, right before he collapsed in the street, losing consciousness. 

He regained consciousness all at once, realised he wasn’t in his bed at home, but was, in fact, being held, and immediately freaked out, squirming until he hit the floor. Pain shot through his elbows where they broke his fall, and he groaned pitifully.

“You brought that upon yourself.”

Felix looked up at the voice and grimaced, “what the fuck Shane, why were you carrying me? What the fuck happened?” he managed to ask through sharp huffs of breath.

“You passed out. It’s two in the morning, and I was woken up to come take you home.”

 

Felix felt weak, confused. He couldn't remembered passing out, he barely even remembered leaving the mines.

“I’ll be fine,” the farmer tried to stop his hands from shaking, pulling himself up, “I can take it from here.”

Shane looked doubtful, and it was justified by the fact that Felix immediately fell onto his knees again upon standing. Oh, the irony.

“Come on, don’t be an idiot,” Shane sighed, hauling Felix up by his armpits. The man was like a rag doll, pliable and weak.

“I feel like shit,” he complained, letting Shane pull him around until his arm was around the taller man’s shoulders, like the night of Shane’s birthday.

“You’re shaking, are you okay to walk like this?” Shane asked, taking a small step forward.

 

Felix wanted to say yes, he really did, but he was shaking so bad, and he felt like his head was wrapped in cotton wool, his stomach churning. He shook his head with his eyes closed. He needed to sit down for like 20 minutes before he could even consider moving.

Shane sighed, “alright, piggy-back or fireman lift?”

Felix’s eyes blinked open, studying Shane’s face, but the other man wasn’t looking at him.

“Just... have you got any food? Drink?”

“Not on me?”

There was a long pause.

“Alright, fuck it, piggy back.”

Shane didn’t reply, letting Felix go momentarily to drop onto one knee, turning his head to look back. “Come on then.”

 

The farmer clambered onto Shane’s back the best he could, yelping a little as the other man lifted him the rest of the way, jolting him to get the positioning right.

“No need to choke me,” Shane grunted, beginning to take some shaky steps.

“Sorry,” Felix muttered, loosening his grip and trying to relax. Each step jerked him around and he could feel the bile rising in his throat.

“Shane…” he groused, gritting his teeth, “could you walk slower? I feel like I’m gonna vomit.”

Shane’s steps slowed, and the ride became a bit more bearable.

“Thank you,” the farmer said quietly, resting his head on Shane’s shoulder. He nearly nodded off like that, exhaustion still etched deep into his body.

 

He may have nodded off like that, he realised, when he was roused by Shane talking to him, and his brain felt foggy with sleep.

“We’re here. You think you can get inside okay?”

Felix blinked drearily, raising a hand to rub at his eyes while his brain processed the words.

“Yeah, I’ll be fine, I think,” he said, pulling away to climb down from Shane’s back. He felt better now, less nauseous. He stumbled a bit, on landing, but after putting a hand up to stop Shane grabbing him again, he felt mostly alright.

 

“I’m fine, just a little weak. I just need to sleep for like, a whole decade,” Felix began to make his way up the porch steps, digging around for his keys. “Oh, and I’m sorry for waking you up,” his voice was scratchy and his throat felt raw. He furrowed his brow, trying to aim the key into the lock, with some difficulty.

Shane shrugged, not that Felix could see, and mumbled, “it’s fine. Just don’t overwork yourself again, okay?”

Felix looked back over his shoulder as he got the door open, nodding his head with a weak smile, “I’ll try.”


	3. with flowers in his hair

Summer came quickly, and harshly, as it always did.  
Felix spent the first 3 days of summer alternating between his farm, and the mines. He hadn’t seen Shane since the last day of Spring.  
So, when he visited the saloon on the 4th, and Shane wasn’t there, Felix was confused. He’d never seen the saloon void of his grumpy friend.

“Hey Gus, one beer please,” Felix tapped his fingers on the bartop, “hey, have you seen Shane around?”

Gus prepared a beer, looking over at the farmer with narrowed eyes, “not seen him today, no.”

Felix hummed in response, taking his beer to go sit with Pam.

“Hey, kid, how’s it going?”

“Not bad, Pam, not bad. You seen Shane at all today?”

Pam laughed her low, scratchy laugh, “not at all.”

“Why’re you laughing?” He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t slightly worried.

Pam looked at him sidelong, shaking her head, “nothing kid, just nothing.”

 

The farmer finished his drink, and headed out for the night, cutting South, instead of going his usual route. The lights were on in Marnie’s house, and Felix found himself unable to resist. He knocked on the door, planning out what he would say when Marnie answered. There was a small amount of clattering from inside, and a bit of laughter, and then the door opened.

Felix started slightly, thrown off by Shane’s face looking back at him.

“Felix? What’re you doing here?”

“Uh… Oh! You weren’t at the saloon, I just wanted to…” the farmer paused. ‘I wanted to check up on you’ was too forward, but what else could he say?

“Just wanted to say hi.” Felix winced as the words left his mouth. That may have been worse.

“It’s Jas’s birthday,” he explained, still holding onto the door with one hand, a flush high on his cheeks. He’d been drinking, and it was something stronger than what they served at the saloon, “we’re celebrating.”

“Oh,” Felix wanted to slap himself, “I hadn’t seen the calendar. I’ll leave you guys to it,” he chuckled bashfully, beginning to step away from the house.

“Hey.”

Felix stopped and turned at the words, as Shane scratched at his neck, “Jas is going to bed soon anyway, d’you want to come in? Me and Marnie have a whole bottle of rum we’re trying to get through tonight, and I don’t know if we can do it alone.”

Felix thought about it, he really did. But the only thought he could get to stick was ‘Shane is going to get more drunk than you’ve ever seen him’, and he couldn’t find it in him to fight it.

“Yeah, sure.”

 

Split between three people, the rum was easy to demolish. Marnie turned in for the night around 10pm, stumbling back to her room, leaving Shane and Felix alone in the kitchen.

 

“Why is summer so hot, Shane?”

Shane squinted at the farmer, before mumbling a non-committal, “science.”

“I’m gonna buy a dress. It’s too hot for literally all of my clothes, I’m gonna buy a dress and I’ll be the prettiest princess.”

Shane shook his head, huffing a quiet laugh, rubbing a hand over his face. His entire body felt like it was tingling, his head felt like it was floating a yard above his neck. He rarely let himself get so drunk.

 

The conversation floated around for a while, and it wasn’t long before the two men found themselves collapsing with fits of laughter over a dumb impersonation Felix had done. Shane buried his face in his hands, and Felix almost fell out of his chair, gripping onto Shane’s shoulder for support.

They both calmed down, eventually, many deep breaths later. Shane let his hands fall against the table. Felix’s face was right in front of his, his cheek resting against his palm, a little smile playing at his lips.

“What’s that face for?” Shane asked, trying to think clearly through the booze fog.

“Nothing,” Felix smiled, before dropping himself across the table, groaning pitifully, “I’m so tired, Shane, why have you done this to me?”

**~~**~~**

Sometimes, Felix would suffer from severe bouts of insomnia. He’d toss and turn for hours and hours, but he couldn’t get himself to relax, and he only got more and more frustrated.

The farmer rolled out of bed, breaking his fall with his hands, and stumbled over to his wardrobe. He couldn’t go out in nothing but his boxers and a vest, after all. Once he was suitably clothed, he picked up his keys, wrapped himself in a big jacket, and left the house.

He didn’t really have a destination in mind; he just wanted to meander around and clear his head so that perhaps he could get some sleep.

 

When he entered the forest south to his farm, he was surprised to see a flickering light down by the pond. It was nearly 1am: who else would be up at this time? Maybe Willy, trying to catch some late night fish? Felix headed in the direction of the light, just to see who it was.

 

Felix’s footsteps made pretty noises on the wooden planks of the pier.

“Shane?”

The man didn’t turn, waiting until Felix came to stand beside him.

“Up late, huh?” Shane’s voice was rough.

Felix looked down at where Shane sat, “no shit.”

Shane breathed a small laugh, breath clouding in front him. “Here,” he lifted a beer for the farmer to take.

 

Felix sat beside the other man, taking the drink from him. He didn’t know what to say. Conversation had been coming easier and easier for him and Shane, but there was something about the silence between the two that calmed Felix. Crickets echoed around them.

Shane huffed out something between a grunt and a sigh, leaning backwards til his back his the pier, tracing imaginary constellations with his eyes “life.”

Felix snorted, running his thumb around the rim of the beer can, “same.”

 

There was a beat of silence as Shane ruminated on his thoughts, trying to get them all in order before continuing.

“You ever feel like… no matter what you do, you’re destined to fail?” His voice was soft, and he puffed a stray strand of hair out of his face. He was talking again before Felix could reply, “like, you’re stuck in some miserable abyss and you’re so deep that you can’t even see the light of day anymore?”

Felix put his untouched beer to the side, laying down carefully beside Shane, “nearly every day.”

Shane turned his head to look at Felix’s profile, “how do you do it?”

The farmer turned his head to look at Shane, “do what?”

Shane paused, turning his eyes back up at the night sky, thinking of what he wanted to say. “...Cope?”

Felix laughed bitterly, “I don’t know what it is I’m doing, but I really wouldn’t call it coping.”

 

Arms crossed over his chest, Shane heaved a deep sigh, “I just feel like, no matter how hard I try… I’m not strong enough to climb out of this hole,” he brought a hand to his face, biting at the cuticles of his nails.

The farmer knew the feeling all too well. He’d worked at Joja before, he knew how soul-sucking it was there. The man sat up, reaching for his beer, and downed it in one gulp before lowering himself back down. What do you say to a man who’s in the same situation you were 2 months ago? What do you say when you got out?

 

Shane was watching him, one arm tucked beneath his head, “oh, fast drinker too? Man after my own heart.” It was an almost sad attempt at lightening the situation.

Felix scratched his arm through his jacket, not accepting the change in conversation, “I got lucky. That’s it. Probably the only damn reason I’m still alive, to be honest,” his voice had dropped, both in register and volume, as he shared things he’d only ever told one other person, “I think we’re all just waiting til we get lucky, y'know?”

Shane frowned, memories of his thoughts from the farmer’s first week in Stardew Valley resurfacing.

“So, like,” Felix continued, sighing, “I don’t know how to be strong enough. I got given what I needed to pull through, to get out of that hole… I don’t know what advice to give you. Because I’m not strong. And the fact of it is, that hole? It’s still waiting to swallow me right back up,” he finished, almost bitterly. He really wished that Shane didn’t have to feel that way, to deal with Morris everyday, trying to provide for him and his goddaughter. But he couldn’t do anything about it. He didn’t make enough money to hire Shane on, and he wouldn’t where to even begin if he did.

 

They laid in the soft silence, crickets chirping distantly. Fireflies appeared to the west, and Felix watched them for a bit, as they danced around each other, illuminating a small patch of forest. He’d never seen fireflies before.

 

**~~**~~**

“Huh, you don’t get hot pepper chutney like this in the city,” Shane mused, chewing on another mouthful of the lamb/chutney mix. Felix rolled his eyes, poking at his slice of blueberry pie. How anyone could enjoy such painfully spicy things was beyond Felix’s realm of understanding.

The Luau had begun at 9am, and true to form, the farmer had shown up just before midday. Fashionably late, he would call it.

He’d brought mushrooms to put in the soup, after a frantic 2am googling session. Who knows what else had gone in the pot. Mushrooms would work with most anything, and he was saving himself the anxiety of a situation like bringing fish to put in a vegetable soup.

 

Lewis gave a little speech, and Felix fiddled with his lip ring anxiously. The governor bumbled up to the pot, smiling a little too happily, pouring a big spoon of the soup into his waiting mouth. The man disgusted Felix.

The Governor paused for a moment, before bringing a hand up to his mouth, and the farmer could have sworn he’d gone a little green.

“This is vile!” The Governor announced, “I think I’m going to be sick!”

Everyone looked around, their own shock reflected back at them in each other’s faces.

“I need to lie down…” The Governor swayed on his feet, and Lewis took him by the arm, leading him away. Felix turned to Shane with raised eyebrows.

Lewis returned, a scowl etched onto his face, “Good going, people,” he shook his head, “whoever put that foul ingredient in the soup made the Governor pass out! I’m ashamed.” He turned away, crossing his arms. “The festival is over, go home.”

Then, he took his leave. Shane looked at the farmer, and they both tried really hard not to laugh.

**~~**~~**

Felix showed up at the saloon a little later that night, beaming, obviously proud of himself.

Shane looked up and immediately frowned; Felix had a clip in his hair, pinning the left side back from his face. Was that a daisy?

 

The farmer made his usual trip around the saloon; engaging in a quick, but lively conversation with Pam, that almost always ended with one of them nearly spilling their beer. After half an hour or so, he sat with his back against the bar in the stool closest to Shane.

Felix grinned, already 4 beers deep, a pretty sort of flush painting his cheeks and ears. Sometimes he’d wait for Shane to initiate conversation, sometimes he’d already have a hundred and one things to talk about. It seems that this time it was the former. Luckily Shane had something he wanted to talk about.

“What the fuck is in your hair?” He asked, squinting at the offending object.

Felix’s blinked, confusion flashing over his face, but his hand only got halfway to his head before it clicked.

“Oh! It’s a daisy. Cute, right?” He smiled, leaning forward, piercings glinting in the light as he turned his head for Shane to see better.

He snorted quietly, “you look ridiculous.”

“I have this adorable bow and this super cute palm tree back home,” Felix said, ignoring Shane’s comment. The older man scoffs, draining his beer glass.

“I take it back, you don’t look ridiculous. You _are_ ridiculous.”


	4. can't fight the wolves at the door

“Hey, Shane, buddy,” Felix drawled, leaning against the shelf with a lazy grin.

Shane narrowed his eyes, “what do you want?”

“Just thought I’d come see my best friend in the whole wide world.”

“I told you to stop bothering me at work.”

 

Felix had been coming into Shane’s work for the past few days, and Shane couldn’t figure out why. He’d only ever seen the farmer come in on the odd occasion before, to bulk-buy Joja cola, which Shane would see him drinking with Sam later in the week. But ever since that night they shared in the forest, Felix had become a near-constant presence at Joja Mart. He still only ever bought Joja cola though.

“You’re gonna get me fired,” Shane growled, restocking the shelf for the fifth time that day. It was only 1pm.

“Will not. And even if I do, I’ll make it up to you,” Felix grinned, not relenting. He was wearing the palm tree clip, and it pinned his hair away from his right eye nicely. 

“Are you ignoring me now?” Felix tilted his head. Shane hadn’t been, honestly, he was just too caught up thinking about how pretty the farmer’s eyes looked when he had his hair pinned back like that.

But he was going to, now.

 

“Oh, come on,” Felix laughed, “don’t be like this; I thought we had something special.”

Usually Shane would indulge Felix’s weird sense of humour, but he was sticking to his guns, and staying silent, despite the smile that threatened at his lips.

“Fine, suit yourself, I’ll see you at the saloon tonight yeah?”

Shane looked over at Felix, who was taking slow steps toward the exit, head turned to look over his shoulder. His hair was a mess. Shane loved it.

“Yeah.”

**~~**~~**

Felix had always been a bit shit at buying presents. He never knew what to get people, and he didn’t want to be the guy who got everyone socks or soap.

When he asked Abigail what to get for Sam’s birthday, he figured he probably should have expected her response.

“I dunno, we’re having a close-friends-only thing down at the lake by Seb’s house, at like, 8pm? If you’re coming, bring pizza.”

 

The farmer didn’t get a chance to ask about, well, anything else. He was running on trust and underlying anxiety when he turned up to the lake outside the mines at 8:15pm. He heard the trio before he saw them, or, more specifically, heard the music pumping through the stereo as he neared. It was some alternative rock shit that Felix had never heard before, but he wasn’t gonna complain.

“I brought pizza,” he called as he crossed the wooden bridge, holding up the pizza box for his friends to see. Abigail didn’t hesitate in running across the bridge to meet him, stealing the pizza only to bound back to where she was sat.

 

“Where did you guys even get that?” Felix asked, narrowing his eyes at the crate of beer that resided next to the tree stump that Sam was sat on. “Aren’t you all like, 12 or something?”

“Wow, first of all, um, rude,” Abigail looked only mildly insulted as she continued, “I’ll have you know that Sam is an entire 19 years old, and me and Seb are 18, so…” She trailed off, eyebrows raised.

Felix cracked a grin, “So, like, basically 12, right?”

“Okay, old man, how old are you then?” 

“I’m 24.”

 

Felix could practically hear the jaws hitting the floor, and Abigail pulled possibly one of the weirdest faces he’d ever seen.  
One, two, three beats of silence passed, before Seb cracked a beer and spoke up, “doesn’t that make you, like, basically a pedophile?” 

The trio - plus Felix - stayed at the lake until just past midnight, getting progressively more intoxicated as the night went on. It was hitting Sam the hardest of them all; he had drunk the most, and was probably the worst at holding his booze of the four of them. At midnight, he slumped against Sebastian’s side; at 12:10, his head looked cozy in the crook of Sebastian’s neck; at 12:30, Felix was having difficulty discerning between the two boys, and it looked, to him, like Sam had relaxed so far onto Sebastian that they’d melded together into a mess of hair and emo/punk fashion.

**~~**~~**

It wasn’t unusual that Felix would just… forget to eat.

It was a habit he picked up in the city, working for Joja, living on minimum wage. He’d get home and be so drained he’d just pass out, and it would get to the point where he’d just... opt out of eating.  
Cooking was such a bother when you felt like you didn’t even want to wake up most mornings.

It was a habit that continued on into his life into the Valley, but it had never been quite this bad. His body didn’t tell him he was hungry until the very last minute; it seemed it was used to being neglected. He was deep in the mines when he first started to feel the hunger, the sweat that formed on his brow, the fluttering feeling to his stomach. He ignored it.

He still had 3 hours left before he wanted to be heading back to the farm, and he was trying to save up as much money as he could so he could afford the chicken coop he’d been eyeing up for a few weeks.

 

By the time he dragged himself out of the mines, pack full of minerals and ore, he was feeling very lightheaded. He could make it home and he could eat, Felix knew this, but it sucked so hard. He couldn’t stop his hands from shaking. At least it wasn’t paired with exhaustion like last time.

It was nearing midnight, and the farmer’s glow ring was doing an excellent job of illuminating his path where the street lamps could not. He could make it home and then he could eat.

He had to cut south first though; he’d forgotten about his crab-pots, and he could afford to take a little detour. 

 

He couldn’t afford a little detour.

 

Felix pressed a shaking hand to his forehead, gulping down air in an attempt to stop the swaying that his body was doing of its own accord.

“Felix?”

The farmer looked up dazedly, blinking as Shane’s face came into focus.

“Hey,” Felix breathed out, winded from hunger.

Shane’s eyebrows knitted together, “are you alright?” 

“Haha, not really,” Felix laughed, “just need to get home and eat something.”

Shane squinted, “you look like you can barely walk, come on, you can eat at my place.”

 

Felix didn’t even have the energy to deny Shane- his house was closer than the farm, after all, and the throbbing in his head was making it hard to think.

Shane seated Felix in one of the kitchen chairs, and hurried around making him a sandwich. The farmer was getting that far off look in his eyes and he was shivering so much that Shane was afraid he might pass out. Again.

 

The farmer wolfed down the sandwiches, barely pausing to breathe, all the time aware that Shane was watching him with a scowl.

Shane hadn’t allowed anyone to get this close to him in his entire time living in Pelican Town, and he was a little bit mad about it.

This asshole of a farmer with his stupid hair and his stupid attitude had managed to turn his entire life around in a matter of months. He was almost starting to doubt that Felix would eventually get bored of him.

 

And now he was sat in Shane’s kitchen, eating Shane’s sandwiches, looking pretty as the setting sun cast shadows across his face.

 

And Shane was mad about it. Just a little bit.


	5. like sitting in a vacuum

The beach was beautiful at night. It was all calm waves and dull moonlight that reflected off the crystal blue ocean. Felix had never seen water so clear.

He had already thought the beach was beautiful at night, and then he got a letter from Demetrius, telling him about a “rare and beautiful event” taking place.

 

He approached from the north, at 10:30pm, the wind rustling his hair. Everything was so calm. Nobody was speaking above a dull murmur; candles illuminated the boardwalk; crickets chirped distantly. 

The farmer had taken off his illumination ring, not wanting to disturb the peace, stowing it safely in his pocket.

 

Felix made his way toward the boardwalk lazily, hands in his pockets, sweater falling loose, pooling around his wrists.

 

Candles floated in the water, and everyone stood at the water’s edge.

“Hey,” he murmured, catching Shane’s attention. 

He looked up slowly, a flush resting high on his cheeks, either from the cold, or from the can of beer in his hand. Maybe both. “What  _ is  _ all this?” The farmer asked, gesturing to the candles floating in the water, people huddled together talking in hushed tones.

 

Shane had a small smile on his face, and he seemed more relaxed than any other time Felix had seen him, “Jellyfish, apparently. They visit every year, it’s meant to be really something?”

Felix nodded. He vaguely remembered his granddad talking about them. Always said he should stay to see them, but Felix always had to leave before summer was out.

 

Felix keeps his tone equally as hushed, “Yeah, my grandpa wouldn’t stop raving about them when I was a kid. I guess they must really be something special, huh?”

Shane nodded, staring down at the candle bobbing in the water by his feet. 

It cast delicate shadows across his face, and Felix couldn’t look away. When Shane looked up, Felix started slightly, realising he’d been caught staring. If Shane noticed, he didn’t comment.

 

“Nature’s amazing, don't you think?” Shane asked softly, quickly looking back down to the candle, “I mean. The jellies were here a year ago, and they’ll be back again a year from now. And this has been going on for ages- since you were a kid, right?” Felix nodded even though he knew Shane couldn’t see, “it’s just really amazing, I guess.”

 

Felix bit his lip, letting out a gentle huff of a laugh.

“What?” Shane looked up at him, eyebrows pinched together like he’d just been insulted.

“Nothing, nothing. It’s just a really… sweet notion, I guess,” Felix shrugged, running his thumb over the shape of the ring in his pocket.

 

Two minutes into a comfortable silence, and Lewis called out that they would be launching the ‘candle boat’ soon, and that the jellies would come to them. 

 

Shane dipped down onto one knee, reaching down to lift the candle out of the water, just like everyone else was doing. He lifted it up to Felix, “want to do the honours?”

 

Felix rolled his eyes, blowing the candle out. He speaks in a whisper, “thank you for this opportunity, it means so much to me, I would like to thank my mom, for being a little bitch, my ca-- ow!” Felix mock speech was cut off by Shane whacking him on the arm, probably harder than he intended to.

“Shut up,” he muttered, a smile playing at his lips. 

 

Lewis pushed out the candle boat, and after a few moments of silence in the near dark, Felix saw the first glimpse of a jelly. They glowed under the water, light fracturing outwards, illuminated the ripples of the ocean. Felix’s entire body lit up with childlike glee as he watched them bob under the water, and he leaned forward to try and see better.

 

The wooden planks were a little slippery; it had been raining all day. Felix’s left foot nearly slipped out from underneath him as he leaned a little too far forwards. There was one, heart-stopping moment, where Felix felt his foot begin to slip across the deck, and the ocean began to draw closer, and he could feel himself begin to fall. The moment was over when Shane’s hand shot out to grab his wrist, yanking him back.

 

Felix stumbled slightly, blinking at Shane. 

“Thanks,” he breathed out around a quiet laugh, looking away.

 

Shane didn’t let go of his wrist, and it was a good thing too, because Felix immediately started leaning back out again, determined to get a good look at the jellies.

They slowly began to drift up the water between the two ends of the pier, to where Felix and Shane stood. Felix kneeled down, dragging Shane with him, to get a better look at the beautiful creatures.

All he could think of was his grandpa, and how he wanted for Felix to see them, just once.

 

He didn’t cry, but he felt it hit him like a knife in the chest, and it’s all he could do to concentrate on Shane’s grip on his wrist, pulling him backwards from the water. It was a light pressure, a gentle pull, just enough to remind Felix that it was there. It was nice.

 

An unusual looking jellyfish began swimming toward the pair, and Felix twisted his arm to grab onto Shane’s.

“Shane, look at that one!” He tugged on Shane’s hand, pointing to where the new jelly was bobbing. The farmer laughed, breathless with a kind of awe.

 

After the jellies left, Shane and Felix decided to stick around on the beach for a bit longer, knock back a couple of beers. Gus had brought a cooler full of them, and graciously left it for the two men to enjoy.

“Did you know that Abi thought I was like, 19?”

Shane squinted at the farmer. In truth, he hadn’t really thought much about Felix’s age, but had presumed that he was young. 

“How old are you?”

Felix rolled his eyes, “I’m twenty fucking four, would you believe it.”

Shane stared. Felix was almost as old as him, but he sure didn’t look it. It was like the world hadn’t managed to get a hold of him yet.

 

“Yeah, shocking, huh?” Felix scoffed somewhat bitterly.

“Yeah, I mean… I honestly thought you were 15,” Shane said plainly, looking back out at the water. Felix glanced over with narrowed eyes.

“Oh har har. I definitely haven’t heard that one before,” Felix scoffed, kicking his feet where they dangling over the edge of the pier. “You should have seen my with my natural hair,” he continued, “I honest to god looked like a 12 year old. I used to be able to get on buses for child’s fare.”

Shane snorted loudly, which dissolved into laughter. Felix could feel the vibrations where their arms touched.

“That’s ridiculous. And I’m not even the least bit surprised.”

Felix chuckled lightly, eyes glancing over the water beneath his feet, watching it move.

 

“I can’t believe you’re twenty-fucking-four. What happened, who blessed you?”

“Blessed? I’d hardly call this blessed. Having eternal youth is no easy ride. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to bone down with someone the same age as me? I got accused of trying to get someone arrested for pedophillia once, no joke.”

“I mean, I know I wouldn’t want to fuck a 12 year old,” Shane joked, ignoring the discomfort that squirmed under the boozey haze.

“Wow, rude, I’ll have you know that apparently a lot of people want to fuck 12 year olds,” Felix raised an eyebrow at Shane, “like I would have thought that it’d be a turn-off, but if my extensive repertoire of--”

“Oh my god, shut up,” Shane groaned, shoving Felix on the shoulder. Felix went with the shove, laughing and nudging the man back. 

 

It wasn’t until Felix slipped, losing his balance and tumbling into the water beneath the boardwalk that the laughter stopped.

He broke the surface still grinning, easing the fear that had gripped Shane’s chest.

“What the fuck man!” Felix yelled around a laugh, hitting his palm into the water to splash water up at Shane. 

“Oh my god, I, aha, I’m so sorry, I didn’t--”

“Oh just shut up and help me out.”

Shane put his can of beer to the side, extending his arm to Felix. Felix snorted as he yanked Shane down into the water with him.

“I can’t- I can’t believe you fucking fell for that,” the farmer gasped, flicking water at Shane.

“Fuck you, Felix,” Shane splashed a handful of water back, “I can barely fucking swim, you asshole.”

“Aw, baby, I’m sorry,” Felix cooed, swimming closer to Shane, “Do you need my help?”

Shane scowled, staring as the farmer swam closer, holding his breath as he looped his arms around Shane’s neck.

“You want me to teach you to swim?” Felix’s baby-talk voice shifted into a purr as he lidded his eyes, kicking his legs gently to keep himself afloat.

“Shut up,” Shane’s voice came as a gruff whisper, no power behind it.

“Or what?” Felix whispered back with a smug grin.

Shane could barely breathe. His clothes clung to his form, and his jacket pooled up around his shoulders, floating in the water. And Felix was right in front of him, grinning lazily, teasingly, arms looped around his shoulders. And Shane couldn’t breathe.

 

“Hey, are you two okay?” a voice called out, interrupting the two men. Elliott stood on the edge of the boardwalk, “I heard a ruckus.”

Felix laughed sheepishly, swimming away from Shane, who remembered how to work his lungs. He gulped down a shaky breath.

“Sorry Elliott, we’re fine, no need to worry,” Felix smiled as he pulled himself up onto the pier, clothes sodden, hanging heavily as they dripped water onto the dock. Shane followed suit, taking the hand that Felix offered him. He shivered violently, cold air quickly working its way down to his bones.

 

Felix shook his hair out, running his hands through it, fluffing it up. Water droplets clung to his eyelashes, his cheeks, and it was beautiful.

And Shane could barely breathe.


	6. cluck cluck, show me the chickens!

Autumn brought a lot of things, for Felix. A sense of calm, as he sits on his porch drinking his morning coffee, enjoying the frosty air. 

And, for the first time, autumn brought Felix chickens. One chicken, to be precise. Her name was Cluckenstein, and he loved her.

 

“Felix?”

“Shane?” Felix faltered when he looked up and saw his friend, “aren’t you meant to be at work?”

Shane looked off to the side, his brow scrunched together, “I called in sick.”

“You don’t… Look very sick… Are you, y'know, alright?” Felix asked cautiously, shifting from foot to foot, concern twisting every word he spoke. He knew all about calling in ‘sick’.

 

“I’m fine. I mean... it’s whatever. Marnie said you bought a chicken?”

Felix lit up, eyes crinkling. “Yeah! She’s in the coop, wanna go meet her?”

“Oh, uh. Sure.”

 

Felix unlocked the fence to the area surrounding the coop, ushering Shane in before locking it behind them.

He’d fenced off a reasonably large area around the coop, and had planted grass towards the bottom fence. There was a cobblestone path dividing the two areas, grass and not-grass, that would hopefully keep it so Felix didn’t have to wade through knee-high grass to get to the coop every morning.

 

“Um, Felix?” Shane squinted at the grass, tilting his head.

“Yeah?” Felix stopped, following Shane’s gaze.

“Why does your grass spell out the word ‘fuck’?”

The farmer grinned, a low laugh bubbling in his throat, “oh, y'know. Just wanted to see if I could do it. Spoiler: I totally can.”

“You’re... absolutely ridiculous.”

“Ah, so you keep saying,” the farmer winks, before ducking inside the coop.

 

“This place is nice,” Shane commented, look around.

“Yeah, Robin did a really good job,” Felix commented absently as he sat cross-legged on the floor, wiggling his fingers in the chick’s direction. “C’mere girl,” he cooed, encouraging the small chicken to explore her environment.

 

“It’s good that you planted grass as well, by the way. Even if you did, y'know...”

“Okay, but tell me that isn’t one of the funniest things you’ve ever seen, Shane, look me in the eye and tell me.”

Shane looked at Felix and rolled his eyes, smile too obvious to hide.

 

“So I was thinking about calling the next chicken ‘Bwarkenstein’, but it’s quite a mouthful, y'know?” Felix mused aloud, tone as casual as if he were discussing the weather, and not ridiculous names for his chickens, “but like, what else can I call a chicken? They cluck, they bwark, that’s it.”

Felix and Shane were sat on the floor of Felix’s coop, leaning against the far wall as Cluckenstein tottered around.

Shane, who liked to think that he was used to Felix’s weirdness by now, chewed on his bottom lip as he thought about it.

“Oh my god!” Felix exclaimed, scaring Cluckenstein, “aw I’m sorry. Shane, though, listen, I have thought of the ultimate name for my next chicken, are you listening? This is important.”

“I’m listening,” Shane narrowed his eyes, preparing himself for either the best or worst thing he was ever going to hear.

“Okay. So, all chickens are female, right? And roosters are the males, you with me?” Felix asked and Shane nodded along, unsure of the direction Felix was heading, “so, for added, super-duper irony, you know how sometimes people call roosters cocks?” Felix’s shoulders shook with silent laughter. Shane could now see where he was going with it. Felix’s voice shook when he continued speaking, “so, I call my new chicken… Cockenstein.”

“You’re literally the worst.”

Felix burst into loud laughter that brought tears to his eyes.

  
  


“Hey, Shane, why were you on my farm this morning?”

The atmosphere around the two men had calmed considerably, conversation relaxed and easy. Felix had brought in two beers from the house, and they sat in the coop with Cluckenstein, watching her toddle around.

“Like, I know you called in sick,” the farmer continued, “but why were you on my farm?”

“Oh. Yeah, right,” Shane blinked, remembering now that he had been looking for Felix, “I wanted to give you something,” he reached into his pocket and drew out a folded up piece of paper. He handed it over to Felix, resting his head against the wall behind him.

“Oh, thanks?” Felix took the paper unfolding it.

“It's a, uh, recipe I found in a magazine,” Shane explained, playing with the tab on his beer can, “I thought, since you made those pepper poppers,” he shrugged, feeling stupid all of a sudden, “it’s whatever. If you ever make it though, maybe you could give me a taste,” he laughed nervously, taking a big gulp of beer to stop his rambling.

“Pff, c’mon, we can make this right now,” Felix stood up, leaning down to grab Shane’s hand and pull him up. 

 

The cooking didn’t go exactly to plan. Shane grimaced at the abomination they’d created.

“Well, it... could look better?”

“Could look better? Shane I’ve taken shits that look better than this.” 

 

**~~**~~**

 

Felix always sat with Shane when he came by the Saloon. He couldn’t make it every night, but every time he did, he was there by Shane’s side.

 

And then one night, he wasn’t.

Shane got into the saloon a little later than usual, thanks to Morris insisting he finish up his work, even if he wouldn’t get paid overtime.

The first thing he notices is Felix, sat on his own in the corner. Shane hesitated - he’d never seen the farmer with such a deep scowl on his face.

 

The farmer groaned, hair curling around his face as he looked up at Shane.

“I’m trying to drink myself to death, what do you want?” he grumbled. Shane couldn’t help but think that he looked sort of pitiful. 

 

It took a few hours for Felix to open up, but once he did, he couldn’t be stopped. The issue was that his mom, who kicked him out, had sent him some cookies. It didn’t make much sense to Shane, until Felix stopped rambling and actually started explaining his anger. Then it made almost too much sense.

“I just, who does she think she is? Oh, Felix,” he mocked, forcing his voice into a nasally, whiny register, “you can’t be in my house if you decide that you’re going to live the homosexual lifestyle, I’m sorry, I just can’t have a relationship with you anymore, with what I know now,” his voice dropped back to normal as he stared into the bottom of his glass, “and that’s complete bullshit on it’s own, y'know? But then she sends me cookies and shit every other month like she wants to be friends. Oh, but what do I get when I try and reconnect? When I think that this is her trying to reach out, be a better person? I get the same fucking bullshit she spouted at me when I was 16.”

Shane swallowed, suddenly wishing that he had at least 2 more beers.

Felix continued, “So I have to be the one to sit there and take it when she pulls this fucking bullshit like it doesn’t affect me at all? Like, no, it’s fine, only ever think about yourself, it worked for the first 16 years of your life before you fucking kicked me out,” he sighed deeply, resting his forehead back against the counter-top, “I fucking hate her,” he whined, brow drawn together.

 

“Jesus,” Shane breathed, pieces still slotting together in his mind. So Felix was gay, which, really he should have seen coming. 

“I think I need to go home,” Felix mumbled into the counter-top.

 

Shane didn’t take Felix home. They parted ways outside the ranch, and Felix stumbled the rest of the way home himself, bile and beer swirling around the resentment twisted in his gut. 

 

**~~**~~**

 

Shane was conflicted. 

He hadn’t seen Felix in a few days, which wasn’t exactly rare, but... it had given him an uncomfortable amount of time to think about things. // _ Personal  _ things. Things like how Felix’s smile made his heart flutter and his mouth go dry.

It had been a mighty long time since he’d considered anybody in that way. But Felix... Shane was absolutely  _ loathed  _ to admit it, but Felix was just different. There was something there, something that made him feel like he was 16 again, privately crushing on the guy who sat next to him in English.

 

And now he knew that Felix was gay - which, really, not surprising - it made it impossible for him to actively ignore how attractive Felix was. Before, he’d push it down, berate himself for acting like he was a teenager still. Now? Not so much.

  
  


The Valley Fayre was the first time Shane was absolutely  _ certain  _ that he’d see Felix, without a doubt. And the prospect made him anxious.

He sulked near the chickens, keeping an eye on them, making sure nobody was being mean while he tried his best to ignore the bile rising in his throat.

 

“BOO!” someone yelled, jumping into his vision, making his heart stutter. He was scared, first of all, just by the initial response to being jumped, and then further by the fact that whoever had scared him was wearing a downright  _ horrifying _ chicken mask.

 

The person broke down into laughter, whipping off the mask, a shit eating grin on his face. Felix. Of course.

“Oh god, I didn’t expect that to work so well,” he laughed, raking a hand through his hair. Shane could see his roots growing through, gingery blond. Shane was still silent, waiting for his heart rate to come back down.

 

“Long time no see buddy,” Felix sniffed, taking a tissue from his pocket and wiping his nose with it.

“Oh, yeah, don’t worry about it,” Shane found himself saying, shoving his hands in his pockets to hide their shaking.

“You wanna look at some of the stalls? I wanna try beating the shit out of that strength tester,” the farmer smirked, nodding back to the main part of the fair. He’d come straight to find Shane, ignoring everything else. Huh.

“Bet you you can’t get it past the halfway point.”

 

Felix couldn’t quite ‘beat the shit out of that strength tester’, but he definitely wrecked ass at the fishing booth. He insisted on spending the entire day collecting tokens, determined to buy everything in the shop.

“Yes! Shane, this makes it 500!”

“Which one was 500 again?” Shane followed at a leisurely pace as Felix skipped off to the shop, slapping his tokens onto the counter.

The farmer twirled around, sliding his new hat onto his head. “Yeeehaww, cowboy,” the farmer smirked, crouching down, hands at his sides like they were preparing for a old fashioned duel. 

He continued on, despite Shane’s unimpressed look, “now, what’s a city slicker like you doin’ in this here town?”

“Aren’t you like twelve? I didn’t think preteens could own towns.” Shane scoffed, crossing his arms.

“Now, that might be so mister, but that don’t change the fact that this // _ is _ my town, and it ain’t big enough for the both of us.”

Shane moved quickly, stepping forward and knocking the hat from Felix’s head, grabbing it. “My town now…  _ partner,” _ he said, resting the hat atop his own head with a small smile.


	7. broken promises in the bottom of your cup

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it lads, the rewrite. Everything before this point has been tweaked, and tbh I'd recommend a reread just to jog your memory - its only 6 chapters and I cut a load of content anyway.  
> I think I might have added one or two little scenes? I honestly can't remember, these past few weeks have been a blur. Enjoy!

A crate of warm beer, hidden under his bed. Shane would never admit he had a drinking problem. 

Sometimes he just needed something to take the edge of.

 

That was, until the edge only sharpened under the boozy haze, and Shane found himself in a sad heap against his bedroom wall. Marnie was knocking on his door, he could hear the concern in her voice, but he couldn’t find any emotion left in him to draw from. 

He was drained. Completely and utterly devoid of all feeling. There was a gaping hole in his chest where his heart should be, but he couldn’t bring himself to care.

 

Footsteps, and then another voice. Familiar, but still it brought a bitter taste to Shane’s mouth. He didn’t open his eyes.

 

Felix didn’t wholly want to believe what he was seeing. He knew that Shane was depressed, it was hard not to. But this... 

“Can you do something?” Marnie asked him, but the words took a minute to register.

“Yeah, sure thing Marn. Uh, give me a minute?” 

 

He didn’t want Marnie to be there, frankly. He needed some privacy, didn’t want to worry about somebody hovering over his shoulder.

Shutting the door behind him felt a little rude, but he pushed down the feeling so he could step over to Shane. 

“Hey, Shane,” he crouched down beside him, eyeing the crumpled beer cans. 

No response.

 

If it felt rude closing the door on Marnie, Felix couldn’t comprehend how rude it felt to pour water on his best friend, but... Shane wasn’t waking up any other way.

Shane was shocked out of his daze, sitting up with a gasp. His eyes focused on Felix slowly, and he swallowed thick.

“Felix? What are--?”

 

Marnie, apparently, hadn’t caught on that Felix wanted a bit of privacy. She came through the door, stepping into the room with a heartbroken expression.

_ “Shane! _ What is the matter with you? All you do anymore is mope around your room and drink beer!”

Felix supposed she was going for firm, but it made him wince either way. Not the words he would have chosen.

Shane flinched away, staring back down at his lap. A painfully long pause passed before he spoke, “You wouldn’t understand.”

“What’s your plan? Don’t you ever think about the future?” Marnie continued, rubbing at her chest.

“Plan?” Shane scoffed, “Hopefully I won’t be around long enough to need a plan.”

 

Felix felt fucking horrid. If there was one thing in the world he didn’t want to sit and watch Marnie make Shane talk about how he wanted to kill himself.

He opened his mouth, ready to step in and put all of this to a stop, but... everybody heard it. Jas, who had been in the doorway, let out a sob before running back to her room. 

Marnie looked aghast, shooting Shane a teary look before she left after Jas, closing the door behind her.

 

There was silence, for a bit. Shane pressed a hand over his face, pressing his fingers into his eyes.

_ “Fuck.” _


	8. Ignorance isn't easy, but looking is even harder

Shane wakes up to noise, clattering in the kitchen and low voices on the TV. Weird, Marnie isn’t usually so loud so early.  
Weirder still is the harsh light from his window, and he scrunches up his face, rubbing it against his pillow for a moment. The motion makes him dizzy, but worse than that is the sudden, jolting realisation that he has no idea what time it is.

 

Reaching out of bed for his phone is a mistake, one that makes his head spin and his stomach churn. It’s already past ten, and he can just feel that Morris is going to have his head for this.  
The memories of the previous night come back slow, and he has to reach for them while he pushes himself out of bed.  
Jas crying, the harsh bite of Marnie’s words, those are the most vivid. He remembers Felix, too, but he isn’t sure if that was a dream, something he imagined to make himself feel better.

 

He doesn’t have time to dwell on it, throwing on his clothes and only hesitating with his hand on the handle. Facing his family was the opposite of what he wanted to do right now, and he glances at the window.  
Why had Marnie not woken him up? He was so horribly late for work, she knew that he was on the verge of being fired. Did she really not care?

Pushing the thoughts aside, he ducks his head and pulls open his door, watching his feet as he traces the steps to the front door.  
Marnie doesn’t try to stop him.   
Part of him is glad - the cowardly part, that doesn’t want a confrontation, the same part never wants to be seen by anybody, ever again. The rest of him is just _hurt_ , that she hadn’t even said good morning.

He grits his teeth as he turns on the path towards town, only glancing up when another figure crosses into his line of sight.  
“Shane, you’re up early.”  
It’s Felix. Shane still can’t determine if he was actually there last night.

“Uh. Yeah. Sorry, I gotta go,” he doesn’t try not to be blunt, but he wishes that he had.  
Felix’s expression is difficult to decipher, but he lets Shane step past him. “Where you going?”  
“Work.”  
There’s a considerable pause, and then Felix is falling into step beside him.  
“Shane, buddy... it’s Sunday.” 

Ah.  
That explains some things. 

Shane stops, brings his hand to his face to pinch the bridge of his nose with a deep exhale. _“Fuck.”  
_ The Farmer fidgets. “Hey, why don’t you come to the farm? I’ve got nothing to do all day, it’ll be... just come over. Yeah?” 

Shane’s just too tired. He doesn’t want to go back to the Ranch, not after everything he’s put them through. Has nothing to do around town aside from go to the saloon, and that... that feels like a bad idea.  
So he nods, allowing Felix to lead the way.

It’s difficult, picking his way through the debris that still litters the farm, but Felix makes it look easy.

 

Felix doesn’t talk until they get inside, shutting the door behind them. They're face to face now.  
“Shane…” his voice is gentle and it nearly breaks him.  
The Farmer might be shorter than Shane (by a good amount too, maybe 3 inches by Shane’s best guess), but his being there alone is strong and grounding.  
Felix continues, bringing his hands up as if to take Shane’s shoulders, but stopping a few inches short. “You okay?” 

And that’s enough. Shane can’t find the words to answer, because his mouth is so dry that he doesn’t know if he can talk at all.  
He leans towards Felix, slumping with a heavy exhale, and it’s like all the energy just drains out of him at that exact moment. 

Felix, being the trooper that he is, is quick to pull Shane into a hug, eyebrows raising in surprise. But he doesn't say a word, just holds them both steady and waits.  
They stay like that for a while, with Shane’s arms loose by his sides and Felix wondering if he should say _something,_ anything.  

Shane eventually raises his hands to fist into the material of Felix’s gaudy purple sweater, down by his waist. With his head ducked, he can press his nose into the farmer’s shoulder. It feels as though his world is breaking.  
Felix only tightens his grip at the contact, shifting to wrap his arms more fully around his friend. 

Shane hasn't been hugged like this in years.  
Neither has Felix. 

 

The Farmer doesn't say anything when Shane eventually pulls away, scrubbing at his reddened face with the back of his hand. 

“So… you want some pizza?” It's all Felix can think of to say.  
It's stupid, and it's not at all going to solve anything, but… it helps.  
“Yeah, pizza sounds great.” 

 

They eat the pizza on the porch, leftovers from the saloon. Despite having a kitchen now, Felix still never cooks.  
Shane’s ratty jacket doesn't do much to keep the brisk wind from chilling his bones, and he wishes he had a sweater like Felix. But maybe... less purple. 

The mood lightens with time (how many hours?) until Shane barely remembers the night before, nothing more than a nagging memory at the back of his mind.

 

“So, Evan fucking kickflips his sorry ass off the scaffolding _directly_ into the pond - not the trampoline - and we're all sat in E.R until 3am.”  
Shane has no idea who Evan is, nor why he was trying to jump off scaffolding onto a trampoline.  
Felix continues, wiping his hands off on some stray napkins. “My mom is _losing_ her shit because I have to tell her that I'm at the E.R at 3 in the morning, and that Evan’s the one _in_ hospital. And I take the blame, say it was all my idea ‘cause I don't want him to get in trouble,”

The way Felix talks is intoxicating. It’s in the way that he gets carried away, the way his mouth twists when he laughs. How his whole body animates when he's telling a story, gesturing almost dangerously.  
Shane finds himself paying more attention to Felix himself than the story he's telling.

“Fuck, it’s getting late. Does Marnie know where you went?”  
Shane nods, swallowing his last bite of pizza. He’d texted her earlier, but hadn’t received a reply.  
Felix rolls his neck, leaning back on both of his hands. “You wanna stick around? I’ve got--” he hesitates. Now would not be the time to mention the bottle of whiskey he’d been saving, “movies, games, you know. Whatever.”

 

Shane falls asleep on Felix’s sofa. It’s not at all comfortable; his legs don’t fit and the cushions are like solid bricks. But it is, indefinitely, more appealing than his own bed. 

The following day passes in something of a blur. Felix wakes him up, and _boy_ is it a sight. Shane would swear to Gods unworshipped that his soul left him when he laid eyes on Felix that morning.  
The farmer’s naturally tousled hair was all at ends, his eyes heavy with sleep, wearing little more than a sweater and some patterned shorts.  
It reeks of domesticity, and Shane can hardly stomach it.  


Coffee, Ranch, and then work. Marnie asks him if he's feeling better.

He lies, says yes, he feels fine. 

**Author's Note:**

> there's no set schedule on this, no expectations, I will upload as and when I finish each chapter  
> SORRY if some of your comments got deleted, I was an idiot who deleted a load of the old chapters, and thus, the comments. Trust me, I feel super bad about it.
> 
> [my tumblr](http://jay-pronounced-gay.tumblr.com)  
> [Buy Me a Coffee?](https://ko-fi.com/F1F0593M)


End file.
